My move back to Missouri, was unexpected to say the least. In trying to grasp everything that happened, I handled a lot of things poorly. I drank to try to find comfort in my discombobbled situation. I tried to continue with the life I'd had in California. Took quite some time to realize that wasn't an option. I couldn't take the life I'd built out there and transport it out here, it just wouldn't work. I had to take the lessons I had learned, and the wisdom I had gained, then try to apply that to building a new life. Easier said than done. Several months of spiraling had to take place before I was able to try to grab onto something. Before I could try and stop it, and face what my new reality was. After many bridges had been burned, drinks had been slammed, and debt considerably accumulated, I found my motivation to rebuild. I establish some perimeters. I felt that with time and patience, these activities would yield positive lasting results. I was once told "We Reap what we plant". I began to journal every day to maintain my writing discipline of sitting down to do the work. I exercise for an hour every day, even if it's just walking, to keep my body in motion, and my energy up. I sit and do a seven minute guided meditation every day, to keep my mind focused, and my emotions in check. Lastly, I strive to do my creative work. Painting to establish calm, and patience. Working on my book to practice clarity of thought visualization, descriptions, and the discipline of rewriting to make an idea more concise, or clear. Writing Stand Up, to take steps towards my career goals, to relish every idea that comes across, and then quickly let it go. I try to do this every day. It is free, it allows you to rebuild yourself. Retrain the way your mind works. You can't go out and fix everything in one afternoon. Things of this nature take time to craft, structure, and adjust to. One thing I was really guilty of was the "feeling sorry for yourself", I felt a lot of people had helped contribute to the way I was feeling. I pushed those people out, or they left on their own accord. Once they were gone, one thing remained unchanged, I was still me. I was still me, and me felt absolutely miserable. Every time a problem would pop up, It was one more log to add onto the fire of depression and self loathing. I kept fighting, even if I gave up on some days/weeks. I would eventually find myself right back to trying to make things better. Trying to advance myself. I began to find supreme motivation in odd places. The internet is truly an amazing tool if you seek out the right things. Here is a video I found from the Joe Rogan Experience, it was highly motivating, so I suggest you take the two minutes and watch it!